Tuesday, May 18, 2004
why does everything suck so much?
jonny e-mails me a copy of the (very long) personal e-mail he sent to my father regarding their quarrel over jonny's learning how to drive.
then my father sends a (very long) reply to jonny's e-mail, only not to jonny but to ME instead.
so i write to both of them and my mother (so that everyone is on the same nut tree) that i think they all need therapy and i'm no professional and not qualified to mediate, etc. etc., and my father writes back:
"typical response"
which is clearly an insult to me. so i get upset and write back, "what's that supposed to mean?!" and go on to say that i don't understand what they expect me to do when each one is sending me their version of the conflict. do they want me to press a magic "fix it" button? to take sides? it's just so unfair, especially considering that i have said time and time again that I don't want to be put in the middle. but whenever i say that, my father acts like I'M THE SPOILED PRINCESS DAUGHTER WHO DOESN'T WANT TO GET HER HANDS DIRTY BY HELPING HER POOR, HELPLESS (HAPLESS!) FAMILY BECAUSE SHE’S TOO BUSY BEING FED GRAPES AND BEING FANNED BY HER SERVANTS AS SHE'S SITTING UPON HER ANTIQUE BROCADED COUCH. as i was writing that and after i sent it, i was thinking about how he's probably pissed at me now and how he will probably refuse to take me back to the vet in NJ in case I need to go in the future (which i very well might, because kitty and xena have not improved the way they should) as punishment.
and then i get upset at my constant turmoil over not being able to stand up for myself and tell them all how idiotic i think they all are for refusing therapy when it is easily available to them and instead placing the burden squarely on my shoulders to fix all the problems that they themselves have created even though they don't listen to a word i say anyway lest they forsake me in my time of need (say, if i need a ride to the vet) unlike any other normal family who loves and supports their children unconditionally.
it makes me mad, it makes me want to cry, and it makes me want to shake a fist at the world for cursing me with such an insanely dysfunctional family.
jonny e-mails me a copy of the (very long) personal e-mail he sent to my father regarding their quarrel over jonny's learning how to drive.
then my father sends a (very long) reply to jonny's e-mail, only not to jonny but to ME instead.
so i write to both of them and my mother (so that everyone is on the same nut tree) that i think they all need therapy and i'm no professional and not qualified to mediate, etc. etc., and my father writes back:
"typical response"
which is clearly an insult to me. so i get upset and write back, "what's that supposed to mean?!" and go on to say that i don't understand what they expect me to do when each one is sending me their version of the conflict. do they want me to press a magic "fix it" button? to take sides? it's just so unfair, especially considering that i have said time and time again that I don't want to be put in the middle. but whenever i say that, my father acts like I'M THE SPOILED PRINCESS DAUGHTER WHO DOESN'T WANT TO GET HER HANDS DIRTY BY HELPING HER POOR, HELPLESS (HAPLESS!) FAMILY BECAUSE SHE’S TOO BUSY BEING FED GRAPES AND BEING FANNED BY HER SERVANTS AS SHE'S SITTING UPON HER ANTIQUE BROCADED COUCH. as i was writing that and after i sent it, i was thinking about how he's probably pissed at me now and how he will probably refuse to take me back to the vet in NJ in case I need to go in the future (which i very well might, because kitty and xena have not improved the way they should) as punishment.
and then i get upset at my constant turmoil over not being able to stand up for myself and tell them all how idiotic i think they all are for refusing therapy when it is easily available to them and instead placing the burden squarely on my shoulders to fix all the problems that they themselves have created even though they don't listen to a word i say anyway lest they forsake me in my time of need (say, if i need a ride to the vet) unlike any other normal family who loves and supports their children unconditionally.
it makes me mad, it makes me want to cry, and it makes me want to shake a fist at the world for cursing me with such an insanely dysfunctional family.
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